Sweet mother of God I was tricked!

Let's go for a ride in the truck he said. Lets go spend a wonderful fun filled day together. It would be just us two boys, windows down, cool breeze blowing, sun shining.  We would cruise around for a while. Maybe make a few stops for some nonsensical errands. It would be great, Just like it always is.

But this time wasn't like it always is. Not at all.

This time we went to the vet. Now I've been to the vet before. I don't really like it but it's not traumatizing.  They stick me with some needles and trim some nails.  You know, normal check up stuff.  This time they put me to sleep. This time during my peaceful slumber they TOOK.... MY.... F'ING... BALLS!!!

They removed my testicles!  My testicles are missing. Gone. No more. vamoose. Empty scrotum. Do you know... Can you even imagine what its like to wake up with a valued part of your anatomy missing?

Would you use a pen without ink?  Would you use a vehicle without gas? Would you use a gun without bullets? Or a sailboat without wind?  NO!  Then what the hell am I suppose to use my wiener for now?!

My sack looks like a kids birthday balloon after it has been deflated. Can you imagine the extreme life scarring sadness that little kid is feeling trying to play with their shriveled up useless birthday balloon?

I don't know who i'm more mad at. The vet for removing them or my human overlords for decreeing this dark deed to be done.

The icing on this cake of suffering has to be the ring of shame I've had to wear for a week so I "couldn't lick myself." This just adds insult to injury. It's like a kick in the nuts after a kick in the nuts. Oh Wait... I DON'T HAVE THOSE ANY MORE!

So I found out what a neuter was and let me tell you brother, it not a damn treat. Someone will pay for this. Someone will suffer what I have suffered. The will feel my deeply entrenched emotional and physical torment.

Although, annoyingly, i'm starting to feel slightly less aggressive. What is going on?

Look at that smug SOB. We are on the way to the vet. If I had known then....

I can't even enjoy being on the boat. I hate my life.

WTF?! I can't even begin to comment.

I'm so excited

I must share with everyone the awesome news. The humans have been gabbing on all week about a special treat they are giving me tomorrow. Every day they seem to get more and more excited about it.

I don't think I have ever seen them so enthusiastic about something. Well actually Kasey and Jonah go through various stages of being happy about my treat and then give me these looks like they are about to say goodbye to an old friend.  I am confused.

I do think the treat is food of some kind though.  The humans keep motioning to my belly when they are talking about it.

Either way its hard to sleep. I guess I should sleep though because they just took away my food and water. Oh well. I wonder how a neuter tastes anyway....

It's not what it looks like...

I don't know how this video got leaked but it is definitely, positively not what it looks like...  

He came on to me! I told him "no, i'm not into that sort of thing because it's wrong and unnatural," but he wouldn't listen. You see how big he is. I couldn't tell him no or who knows what he would do to me.  He told me I had a pretty mouth and stuff and stared at me with an evil glint in his eyes.

Despite how it looks I was definitely not enjoying myself. Duke probably was enjoying himself because he's that kind of dog. I, on the other hand, am a wholesome and respectable canine. Although I do get lonely... From time to time... 

I think i'm being set up here. This is blackmail! I wonder what the demands will be? I have a stash of Jack's Links Beef Jerky! Take it all!