Puppeteers of anguish

The humans are behaving strange today.. Stranger than normal i mean.  They whisper and glance shiftily at me while they plot and snicker. They are preparing something. Something for me.  Something almost ritualistic.  

They already "ritualistically" removed my kibble's and bit's so i'm not sure what further unspeakable horror they could have in store for me now.

They even gave me a little extra food this morning... That's the real red flag.  They try to keep me trim and tone like some kind of damn show pony or bulimic runway model.  Yes I look amazing but I like to eat too!  Sure I don't like to stay outside or exercise very much to justify extra food but have you felt how hot it is out there? Talk about roasting wieners...

I'm just worried by the time I've figured out what these puppeteers of anguish have in store for me they will already have me sitting in the vets office or something.....

....oh dear God....

When I lick you lick we lick

The humans just don't understand me.  I thought it was a pretty clear and obvious thing. I need to lick them!  

They feel the compulsive need to kiss and hug each other and so do I.  But as rugged and stout as my arms are, they are just a tiny bit too short to hug them. 

And I like to kiss too.  I just like to use a lot of tongue very repetitively in random places where ever I can find open skin.  That's not that different than I've seen the humans do, let's be honest...

So human Kasey, especially, needs to get over himself and let me lick his face!  Luckily for me his beard is getting long enough I can pin his beard down with my paws and get a lick or two in before he pulls away.  He is so selfish.