The way things work around here.

The whole point of my operation is to get my paws on as much "people food" as possible.  This is slightly more difficult with Kasey around because he doesn't allow that but like I've told you before, I run this compound. I'm pulling more strings around this joint than Tom Green in "Freddy got Fingered." Let me break it down for you.

Kasey and Amber are the front. They do give me the legitimate food but who really wants that? If none of the side gigs are working I can still always fall back on that one. They give me the "Freshpet Select" ( http://freshpet.com/products/freshpet-select-grain-free-tender-chicken-garden-vegetables-dog-food-recipe/ ) which is pretty good as far as dog food goes but it's still dog food.  They tried to switch me to dry dog food once so it would be easier to bring me on the boat and I had to hold out for 2 months, barely eating and loosing weight, before they gave in and got me the refrigerated Freshpet again. Suckers.

Jonah is the muscle. He gives me the strokes on the regular, and takes over for Kasey and Amber when they are out of town.  He's also the keeper of the girls and lets me have at them every now and then. He provides a little side food but mainly keeps my girls in line for me. He's the one who gave me my first hit of Jack's Links. Sweet, sweet Jack's Links.  I would duct tape you to a chair and make you watch while I do unspeakable things to your own mother for Jack's Links beef jerky.

Jedi and myself have come to an agreement. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. He accidentally drops some food from time to time and I don't turn his toys into my chew toys. The only problem with this deal is he's young and sloppy.  His inexperience keeps getting us busted.  Last night he was schmoozing Amber in the kitchen for some delicious deli turkey and then delivering my cut to the gate in my room. Everything was going great until he started dropping off the goods and going back for more too quickly. Amber caught on and tailed him to the room. We were busted.

Other than that I'm always casing the living room for food someone sits down unattended or the kitchen for something that gets blessedly dropped on the floor. It's a tough gig but it pays off.  I stay full and everyone else stays happy.